Friday, July 27, 2007

Lessons from Nollywood (Nigerian Movies)

Someone sent this to my mail box - Just for laughs.

1 . Every problem you have is spiritual.

2. In every romance movie, someone must die.

3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!

4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.

5. Poisoned food always tastes better.

6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining a cult sleeping with rich men.

7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.

8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!

9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.

10. A movie can be titled anything... such as: *The boy is mine, * Face me, I face you *Two rats, *Spanner, *Calculator, *Igala, *Ijele, *Igodo, *Igudu, *Shigidi, *Eran Iya Oshogbo , *Ta longbe mu.

11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.

12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is... *Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other. *The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully. *Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.

13. An Igbo movie has been made if ... * You visit a 'Babalawo' * A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time. * Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is also there too! * To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult

14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!

15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!)

16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses- * Stella Damascus * Stephanie Okereke * Genevieve Nnaji * Omotola Jalade * Rita Dominic

17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life.

18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks.

19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!

20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!

21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?

22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-a beautiful house, very good furniture, T.V., nice clothes, but you won't be able to send your kids to school.

23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.

24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police- LOL!!!!

25. At the end of a three hour movie you’ll be reminded that THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING…WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!

26. No matter the type of movie…TO GOD BE THE GLORY is always at the end


The Life of a Stranger called me said...

This is really funny, a fine read for a boring friday evening. LOL.

Greg said...

I do blog searches for key words like "love my dad."

Aijay said...

Lmao...don't u just luv Nollywood? Num 18 beats me, i just don't get the idea behind having the same hair style 10yrs later or 5yrs ago.
I still luv 9ja movies though, they crack me up.

femme said...

did u see the movie where stella damascus was dead but can be seen clearly pulling her pants up to hide her undies?

loomnie said...

I love this very much!!

Afrobabe said...

LOL..this is dead funny...I recently acquired a taste for nigerian movies and watch them online at part that beats me is when a chic wakes up early in the morning with fully applied makeup.

bighead said...

this was funny. u forgot to add the caveat: "Naija movies reduce your IQ; watch responsibly"

Anonymous said...

Thanks alot for the great post
Lurrenzinc is the fastest growing African social network to find news about Nollywood

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