Thursday, September 20, 2007

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

Someone sent me this. What do you reckon?


Just something to meditate on for those of us that are married, those thinking about it and those newly weds. During one seminar, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fall in love with your spouse. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies.




Falling in love with your spouse/partner wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something exciting just engulfed you. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.




But after a few years of marriage/courtship, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse/partner might start asking, "Did I marry the right person? Or am I dating the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.




This is when marriages/relations hips breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationship for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious (mostly men). But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage/relationship, it lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else, you could, & TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSH IP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labour of love"; because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationship work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.






There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage/relationship. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can "make" love.




Love in marriage/relationship is indeed a "decision".. .. Not just a feeling.

12 comments:

badderchic said...

I AM FIRST FIRST FIRST! feels like i came first in class, yipee!
on a serious note tho...i guess like Mr would always say..."you never know..." but! you get to make the most of it when you are not worrying. the best is yet to come, why bother?

take a breather, live life!

bighead said...

You said the person might turn to friends as an alternative of sorts. How come they got tired of the spouse but not the friend?

princesa said...

Marriage desnt have to be so monotonous that it becomes boring. Couples need to constantly work on spicing up their marriage and maintain that initial euphoria.

I pray u get that job dear. Remember to invite me for the washing o!

drNO said...

it's about the chemistry...
and we shud always work on it so it won't beome dull...
trust is important too :)

femme said...

yes i did. know how i know?
its seven years together and we still laugh together like crazy, i think of his flaws(ok not all) and smile.
i still love the way he scrathes his head and sometimes he looks at me and says 'i really LIKE u', now thats just wonderful cos i like him too.

Nyemoni said...

wow..nice post! thanks for the birthday wishes....

Rayo said...

In response to bighead's comment: I guess it's because you don't have to see your friends all the time. You see them when you choose, but with a spouse, you have to see them all the time.

femme said...

update na!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

UPDATE ALREADY.......

fluffycutething said...

This is good and food for thought...

wish i had seen it earlier

Hmmmm

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